![]() Life coaches, therapists, and spiritual leaders must be my elders. The recipients of any and all major awards, including, but not limited to, Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, Tony, Pulitzer, and Nobel, hereby have to be born in the nineteen-eighties at the very latest. Any person in possession of the following items must, henceforth, be older than me: real estate, a retirement plan, one or more matching sets of bras and underwear, a couch purchased anywhere other than Facebook Marketplace, health insurance, a Costco membership, self-actualization.
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